darkest_evening: (Tea while you wait)
Adarin Evaniel Sorelas ([personal profile] darkest_evening) wrote 2014-10-10 06:28 am (UTC)

There is a pause from him as he processes all of that.

"I'm sorry for asking you to tell me things that are hard for me to hear," begins Prime, sincerely. Because apologies are easy. "That was rather callous of me."

Next: "It also seems that - most of that was actually not about me. You framed it around me, certainly, and the guilt trip was marvelous, but you're upset because you haven't had a chance to prove that you're not a victim after two days. Two days is a ridiculously short period of time. It is okay, in the grand scheme of things, to require two days of adjustment before you become 'moderately useful' or, more likely, more again. I am genuinely not considering you an active drain on my time and emotional resources, and believe me when I say I have seen what is. I've met and, actually, dated one person who was, so let me just go ahead and consider myself an expert in it. My dear, you're not. Not for me, anyway, I'm rather emotionally stable, despite the sarcasm wall and the buried trauma and the large swaths of emotional distance from just about everyone I meet.

"And - I'm actually not stopping myself from loving you back. Behold, how I've kissed you. Callous and poker-faced as I might seem, I am not going to do that to literally anyone, whether they're in love with me or not. It was not a decision of, 'Oh, I should kiss her because that would make her happy,' because that would be cruel, and it would be leading you on, and it would be tormenting rather than helping you if I had zero desire for any sort of follow up. It was, 'Do I both A: Want to kiss her, and B: Am I willing to own up to whatever emotional fallout might occur there if various terrible events happened because of the kiss and C: Do I find it worth the trouble if aforementioned terrible events occurred.' Because I am paranoid, and that doesn't have an off switch. Congratulations, I deemed the risk of such emotional delights as - 'Aya is cured of necklacedom and now wants absolutely nothing to do with me because of events that occurred during the necklace's influence' and 'Maybe become an emotional crutch for a while again' and 'get dirty looks from my alts during mealtimes' worth it to kiss you.

"Lastly. It sounds like you need a project. You should have mentioned, Aya, I would have handed you one, I'm the kind of cold hearted bastard to hand one to people that don't want one if it is necessary for something excessively important I'm working towards. Because that's what I do. That's what I have done, actually, because it was very necessary. But I was giving you space. I can stop that, want some projects?"

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